Weekly Election Update: Forget Everything, there’s a Minuscule Chance for Snow!

  • More important than any politics could ever be, Kalpiblog weathermen are predicting a 13% chance of snow in Jerusalem from Sunday the 18th until the 20th. Get excited for disappointment!
  • The coalition successfully weathered the Amona challenge when MK Naftali Bennett and PM Bibi Netanyahu reached a deal that will allow the Arrangement Law to pass. The bill is now in committee although it is expected that it won’t be brought for a final vote until the POTUS is out of office. After it passes, it will be immediately shot down by the Supreme Court and we will all ask ourselves…why? 
  • Head of the Coalition (think majority whip) David Bitan said that “I would prefer that Arabs did not rush to the voting booths and that they wouldn’t come at all to the booths. 97% of them vote for the Joint Arab List who doesn’t represent Arab-Israelis, but rather Palestinians. When asked to clarify, Bitan claimed to not understand what the big deal was about. “On election day we prefer that those who oppose us don’t come. The Zionist Union wants as few Likudniks to come vote. They decide whether they come or not, not me”. To think that we live in a time where members of a democratic government are expected to encourage citizens to vote.
  • Bitan’s week was made worse when the coalition lost a vote on an opposition supported bill in its preliminary reading. The bill would raise the allocation given to people with disabilities from 2,400 NIS to 5,000 NIS (which is the minimum wage). The government opposes the bill because of its cost.
  • Bitan didn’t have the worst week in Jerusalem though. Oren Hazan, seemingly starring in a sequel of “13 Going on 30” was called stupid (watch the video, its great) on the Plenum floor and got busted for going 60 KmH over the speed limit as he rushed down to Eilat to help an old woman cross the street. His license may be revoked.
  • The Zionist Union launched a new campaign centered around the secret things that the government is taking from us in the middle of the night. Leaders of the party held a press conference to launch the campaign, but seemingly kept it a secret from many Zionist Union MKs who learned of the launch from the media. Herzog also held the press conference over the objections of one of its participants. Anonymous sources within the party say that Herzog is going to be rebuked at the next party meeting on Monday. Quick, name the best three things that Herzog has done since he became head of the Labor party.
  • Meanwhile, Yesh Atid quietly continues to campaign for the next elections using a message with broad appeal for the left and right.

 

Totally precise and not arbitrary election date: February 6, 2018

Winner: Yesh Atid (they seem to be putting together a great campaign, while everyone else is caught up in actually legislating)

Runner Up: Likud

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