Welcome to the weekly country power rankings where we rank all of the 195ish countries in the world, or at least some of them.
1. US: Moody expects the US to lead global growth over the next two years based on Donald Trump plans to cut taxes and improve infrastructure. This is good! Even if you hate Trump! Dysfunctional transition process, bad. Increase in hate crimes, bad. But this is good!
2. China: Chinese websites have removed results for “Kim Fatty the Third” after complaints from North Korean officials. Fear not, people can, and I am not making this up, still find results when searching “Kim Fat Fat Fat”.
9. Russia: Russia had a hell of a week. It picked up a free drone from Israel. Pro-Russian candidates won in Moldova, Bulgaria and the US. It also chased away a Dutch submarine trying some spy shenanigans on behalf of NATO. All the while, relations with China are improving and it became a part of a growing trend of countries pulling out of the International Criminal Court.
95. Mexico: The Mexican Peso lost a large amount of value after the election of Donald Trump. That wall is going to have be built out of churros.
110. Colombia: Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos reached a second deal to end one of the longest running civil wars with FARC rebels. The first deal was rejected by Colombians in a plebiscite for not being harsh enough on the rebels. Santos then promptly won an embarrassing Nobel Peace Prize.
130. Indonesia: The Mayor of Jakarta has been named a suspect in a blasphemy case and could go to jail for 5 years. Apparently he said that people were using the Koran to scare people from voting for him. This is allegedly criticizing the Koran.
160. Iraq: ISIS has resorted to using fake tanks and bearded mannequins to thwart airstrikes. Join ISIS they said! See the world they said! Now I’m here gluing dog fur to a mannequin. Aw nuts!
163. Nigeria: In a land noted for corruption, this story takes the cake. Two planes full of cash were used to exchange money in part of an ongoing corruption case. Officials took 10 days to count the money it was in such a great quantity. Maybe it can be used to save the 75,000 children who are at risk of starvation due to Boko Haram’s rampage in the northeast.
170. Burma/Myanmar: Burmese soldiers are confronting Muslims in the Rohingya region as part of clear out militias according to the army. Women and children were among the dead. Last month, nine policemen were killed during attacks on border posts in the region. Former Nobel Peace prize, which has become a bad omen, winner and President Aung San Suu Kyi has been silent on the matter.